Freebsd Limericks

There was a young lady of Bicester
Who was nicer by far than her sister:
        The sister would giggle
        And wiggle and jiggle,
But this one would come if you kissed her.

There was a young lady of Brabant
Who slept with an impotent savant.
        She admitted, "We shouldn't,
        But it turned out he couldn't-
So you can't say we have when we haven't."

There was a young lady of Bude
Who walked down the street in the nude.
        A bobby said, "Whattum
        Magnificent bottom!"
And slapped it as hard as he could.

There was a young lady of Carmia
Whose housekeeping ways would alarm ya.
        At every cold snap
        She would climb in your lab,
So her little base burner could warm ya.

There was a young lady of Dee
Who went down to the river to pee.
        A man in a punt
        Put his hand on her cunt,
And God! how I wish it were me.

There was a young lady of Dee
Whose hymen was split into three.
        And when she was diddled
        The middle string fiddled :
"Nearer My God To Thee."

There was a young lady of Dexter
Whose husband exceedingly vexed her,
        For whenever they'd start
        He'd unfailingly fart
With a blast that damn nearly unsexed her.

There was a young lady of Dover
Whose passion was such that it drove her
        To cry, when you came,
        "Oh dear!  What a shame!
Well, now we shall have to start over."

There was a young lady of Ealing
And her lover before her was kneeling.
        Said she, "Dearest Jim,
        Take your hands off my quim;
I much prefer fucking to feeling."

There was a young lady of fashion
Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
        To her lover she said,
        As  they climbed into bed,
"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"