Freebsd Limericks

A bobby of Nottingham Junction
Whose organ had long ceased to function
        Deceived his good wife
        For the rest of her life
With the aid of his constable's truncheon.

A broken-down harlot named Tupps
Was heard to confess in her cups:
        "The height of my folly
        Was diddling a collie-
But I got a nice price for the pups."

A broken-down harlot named Tupps
Was heard to confess in her cups:
        "The height of my folly
        Was fucking a collie --
But I got a nice price for the pups."

A burlesque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
        But she read science fiction
        And died of constriction
Attempting a Moebius strip.
                -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"

A busy young lady named Gloria
Was had by Sir Gerald du Maurier
        And then by six men,
        Sir Gerald again,
And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

A cabin boy on an old clipper
Grew steadily flipper and flipper.
        He plugged up his ass
        With fragments of glass
And thus circumcised his old skipper.

A cautious young fellow named Lodge
Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
        When his date was strapped in,
        He committed a sin,
Without even leaving his grodge.

A cautious young fellow named Lodge,
Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
        With his date all strapped in
        He committed a sin
Without even leaving the garage.
                -- "A Boy and His Dog"

A cautious young fellow named Tunney
Had a whang that was worth any money.
        When eased in half-way,
        The girl's sigh made him say,
"Why the sigh?"  "For the rest of it, honey."

A certain young man, it was noted,
Went about in the heat thickly-coated;
        He said, "You may scoff,
        But I shan't take it off;
Underneath I am horribly bloated."
                -- Edward Gorey