Freebsd Limericks

There was a young woman from Bude,
Who went for a swim in the nude,
        But a man in a punt,
        Grabbed at her elbow,
And said "Hey, lady, you can't swim here, it's private property."

There was a young woman in Dee
Who stayed with each man she did see.
        When it came to a test
        She wished to be best,
And practice makes perfect, you see.

There was a young woman named Alice
Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
        She said, "I do this
        From a great need to piss,
And not from sectarian malice."

There was a young woman named Ells
Who was subject to curious spells
        When got up very oddly,
        She'd cry out things ungodly
by the palms in expensive hotels.
                -- Edward Gorey

There was a young woman named Florence
Who for fucking professed an abhorrence,
        But they found her in bed
        With her cunt flaming red,
And her poodle-dog spending in torrents.

There was a young woman named Plunnery
Who rejoiced in the practice of gunnery.
        Till one day unobservant,
        She blew up a servant,
And was forced to retire to a nunnery.
                -- Edward Gorey

There was a young woman named Sutton
Who said, as she carved up the mutton,
        "My father preferred
        The last sheep in the herd --
This is one of his children I'm cuttin'."

There was a young woman of Cheadle,
Who once gave the clap to a beadle.
        Said she, "Does it itch?"
        "It does, you damned bitch,
And it burns like hell-fire when I peedle."

There was a young woman of Condover
Whose husband had ceased to be fond of 'er.
        Her pussy was juicy,
        Her arse soft and goosey,
But peroxide had now made a blonde of 'er.

There was a young woman of Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
        Having reasoned that candles
        Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they did not go soft.

Said another young woman of Croft,
Amusing herself in the loft,
        "A salami or wurst
        Is what I'd choose first --
With bologna you know you've been boffed."