Freebsd Limericks

There was a young woman named Alice
Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
        She said, "I do this
        From a great need to piss,
And not from sectarian malice."

There was a young woman named Ells
Who was subject to curious spells
        When got up very oddly,
        She'd cry out things ungodly
by the palms in expensive hotels.
                -- Edward Gorey

There was a young woman named Florence
Who for fucking professed an abhorrence,
        But they found her in bed
        With her cunt flaming red,
And her poodle-dog spending in torrents.

There was a young woman named Plunnery
Who rejoiced in the practice of gunnery.
        Till one day unobservant,
        She blew up a servant,
And was forced to retire to a nunnery.
                -- Edward Gorey

There was a young woman named Sutton
Who said, as she carved up the mutton,
        "My father preferred
        The last sheep in the herd --
This is one of his children I'm cuttin'."

There was a young woman of Cheadle,
Who once gave the clap to a beadle.
        Said she, "Does it itch?"
        "It does, you damned bitch,
And it burns like hell-fire when I peedle."

There was a young woman of Condover
Whose husband had ceased to be fond of 'er.
        Her pussy was juicy,
        Her arse soft and goosey,
But peroxide had now made a blonde of 'er.

There was a young woman of Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
        Having reasoned that candles
        Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they did not go soft.

Said another young woman of Croft,
Amusing herself in the loft,
        "A salami or wurst
        Is what I'd choose first --
With bologna you know you've been boffed."

There was a young woman, quite handsome,
Who got stuck in a sleeping room transom.
        When she offered much gold
        For release, she was told
That the view was worth more than the ransom.

There was a young woman whose stammer
Was atrocious, and so was her grammar;
        But they were not improved
        When her husband was moved
To knock out her teeth with a hammer.
                -- Edward Gorey