Freebsd Limericks

There was an old feminine blighter
Who trained a Chow dog to delight her.
        She would cream her own pool
        While she sucked off his tool --
How his cock in her cunt would excite her!

There was an old gent from Kentuck
Who boasted a filigreed schmuck,
        But he put it away
        For fear that one day
He might put it in and get stuck.

There was an old girl of Kilkenny
Whose usual charge was a penny.
        For half of that sum
        You could finger her bum--
A source of amusement to many.

There was an old harlot from Dijon
Who in her old age got religion.
        "When I'm dead & gone,"
         Said she, "I'll take on
The Father, the Son, and the Pigeon."

There was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
        He said "I'll admit
        I'm a bit of a shit,
But look at the money I save."

There was an old lady of Bingly
Who wailed, "I do hate to sleep singly.
        I thought I had got
        A bloke for my twat,
But he seems rather queenly than kingly."

There was an old lady of Glascow,
Whose party proved quite a fiasco.
        At nine-thirty, about,
        The lights all went out,
Through a lapse on the part of the Gas Co.

There was an old lady of Kewry
Whose cunt was a `lusus naturae':
        The `introitus vaginae',
        Was unnaturally tiny,
And the thought of it filled her with fury.

There was an old lady who lay
With her legs wide apart in the hay,
        Then, calling the ploughman,
        She said, "Do it now, man!
Don't wait till your hair has turned gray."

There was an old maid from Cape Cod
Who thought all good things came from god.
        But it wasn't the almighty
        Who lifted her nighty,
It was Roger, the lodger, by god.