Freebsd Limericks

There was an old man with a beard
Who said, "It is just what I feared!
        Two owls and a hen,
        Four larks and a wren
Have all built their nests in my beard!"

There was an old person of Ware
Who had an affair with a bear.
        He explained, "I don't mind,
        For it's gentle and kind,
But I wish it had slightly less hair."

There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates
        He fell on his cutlass
        Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.

There was an old satyr named Mack
Whose prick had a left handed tack.
        If the ladies he loves
        Don't spin when he shoves,
Their cervixes frequently crack.

There was an old Scot named McTavish
Who attempted an anthropoid ravish.
        The object of rape
        Was the wrong sex of ape,
And the anthropoid ravished McTavish.

There was an old whore from Silesia
Who'd croke: "If my box doesn't please ya,
        For a slight extra sum
        You can go up my bum
But watchout or my tapeworm'll seize ya."

There was an old whore in the Azores
Whose body was covered with festers & sores.
        Why the dogs in the street
        Wouldn't eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers.

There was an old woman of Ghent
Who swore that her cunt had no scent.
        She got fucked so often
        At last she got rotten,
And didn't she stink when she spent.

There was once a mechanic named Bench
Whose best tool was a sturdy gut-wrench.
        With this vibrant device
        He could reach, in a trice,
The innermost parts of a wench.

There was once a sad Maitre d'hotel
Who said, "They can all go to hell!
        What they do to my wife--
        Why it ruins my life;
And the worst is, they all do it well.