Freebsd Limericks

There's a charming young girl in Tobruk
Who refers to her quiff as a nook.
        It's deep and it's wide,
        -- You can curl up inside
With a nice easy chair and a book.

There's a charming young lady named Beaulieu
Who's often been screwed by yours truly,
        But now--it's appallin'--
        My balls always fall in!
I fear that I've fucked her unduly.

There's a dowager near Sweden Landing
Whose manners are odd and demanding.
        It's one of her jests
        To suck off her guests --
She hates to keep gentlemen standing.

There's a lovely young lady named Shittlecock
Who loves to play diddle and fiddle-cock,
        But her cunt's got a pucker
        That's best not to fuck, or
When least you expect it to, it'll lock.

There's a rather odd couple in Herts
Who are cousins (or so each asserts);
        Their sex is in doubt
        For they're never without
Their moustaches and long, trailing skirts.
                -- Edward Gorey

There's a sports-minded coed named Sue,
Who's been coxing the varsity crew.
        In the shell Sue is great,
        But her boyfriend's irate,
When she calls out the stroke as they screw.

There's a tavern in London that's staffed,
By a barmaid who's tops at her craft:
        In her striving to please,
        She serves ale on her knees,
So the patrons get head with their draft.

There's a very hot babe at the Aggies
Who's to men what to bulls a red rag is.
        The seniors go round
        Hanging down to the ground,
And one extra-large Soph has to drag his.

There's a vicar who's classed as nefarious,
Since his shocking perversions are various...
        He will bugger some lad
        With a dildo (the cad!)
While exulting, "My pleasure's vicarious!"

There's a young Yiddish slut with two cunts,
Whose pleasure in life is to pruntz.
        When one pireg is shot,
        There's that alternate twat,
But the ausgefuckt male merely grunts.