Freebsd Limericks

There's a dowager near Sweden Landing
Whose manners are odd and demanding.
        It's one of her jests
        To suck off her guests --
She hates to keep gentlemen standing.

There's a lovely young lady named Shittlecock
Who loves to play diddle and fiddle-cock,
        But her cunt's got a pucker
        That's best not to fuck, or
When least you expect it to, it'll lock.

There's a rather odd couple in Herts
Who are cousins (or so each asserts);
        Their sex is in doubt
        For they're never without
Their moustaches and long, trailing skirts.
                -- Edward Gorey

There's a sports-minded coed named Sue,
Who's been coxing the varsity crew.
        In the shell Sue is great,
        But her boyfriend's irate,
When she calls out the stroke as they screw.

There's a tavern in London that's staffed,
By a barmaid who's tops at her craft:
        In her striving to please,
        She serves ale on her knees,
So the patrons get head with their draft.

There's a very hot babe at the Aggies
Who's to men what to bulls a red rag is.
        The seniors go round
        Hanging down to the ground,
And one extra-large Soph has to drag his.

There's a vicar who's classed as nefarious,
Since his shocking perversions are various...
        He will bugger some lad
        With a dildo (the cad!)
While exulting, "My pleasure's vicarious!"

There's a young Yiddish slut with two cunts,
Whose pleasure in life is to pruntz.
        When one pireg is shot,
        There's that alternate twat,
But the ausgefuckt male merely grunts.

There's an oversexed lady named Whyte
Who insists on a dozen a night.
        A fellow named Cheddar
        Had the brashness to wed her-
His chance of survival is slight.

There's an unbroken babe from Toronto,
Exceedingly hard to get onto,
        But when you get there,
        And have parted the hair,
You can fuck her as much as you want to.