Freebsd Limericks

There's a vicar who's classed as nefarious,
Since his shocking perversions are various...
        He will bugger some lad
        With a dildo (the cad!)
While exulting, "My pleasure's vicarious!"

There's a young Yiddish slut with two cunts,
Whose pleasure in life is to pruntz.
        When one pireg is shot,
        There's that alternate twat,
But the ausgefuckt male merely grunts.

There's an oversexed lady named Whyte
Who insists on a dozen a night.
        A fellow named Cheddar
        Had the brashness to wed her-
His chance of survival is slight.

There's an unbroken babe from Toronto,
Exceedingly hard to get onto,
        But when you get there,
        And have parted the hair,
You can fuck her as much as you want to.

They had come in the fugue to the stretto
When a dark, bearded man from a ghetto
        Slipped forward and grabbed
        Her tresses and stabbed
Her to death with a rusty stiletto.
                -- Edward Gorey

Though his plan, when he gave her a buzz,
Was to do what man normally does,
        She declared, "I'm a Soul-
        Not a sexual goal!"
So he shrugged and called someone who was.

Though most of the crewmen are whites,
Uhura has full equal rights.
        Her crewmates, you see,
        Love De-mo-cra-cy,
And the way that she fills out her tights.

Though the invalid Saint of Brac
Lay all of his life on his back,
        His wife got her share,
        And the pilgrims now stare
At the scene, in his shrine, on a plaque.

'Tis a custom in Castellamare
To fuck in the back of a lorry.
        The chassis and springs
        Are like woodwinds and strings
In the midst of a musical soiree.

To a weepy young woman in Thrums
Her betrothed remarked, "This is what comes
        Of allowing your tears
        To fall into my ears -
I think they have rotted the drums."
                -- Edward Gorey