Freebsd Limericks

Though his plan, when he gave her a buzz,
Was to do what man normally does,
        She declared, "I'm a Soul-
        Not a sexual goal!"
So he shrugged and called someone who was.

Though most of the crewmen are whites,
Uhura has full equal rights.
        Her crewmates, you see,
        Love De-mo-cra-cy,
And the way that she fills out her tights.

Though the invalid Saint of Brac
Lay all of his life on his back,
        His wife got her share,
        And the pilgrims now stare
At the scene, in his shrine, on a plaque.

'Tis a custom in Castellamare
To fuck in the back of a lorry.
        The chassis and springs
        Are like woodwinds and strings
In the midst of a musical soiree.

To a weepy young woman in Thrums
Her betrothed remarked, "This is what comes
        Of allowing your tears
        To fall into my ears -
I think they have rotted the drums."
                -- Edward Gorey

To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable.
Their fertility was somewhat unstable.
        He constructed a bed
        Out of tree trunks and said,
"Even adders can multiply on a log table."

To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish!
Your cunt is as big as a dish!"
        She replied, "Why, you fool,
        With your limp little tool
It's like driving a nail with a fish!"

To his bride said a numskull named Clarence :
"I trust you will show some forbearance.
        My sexual habits
        I picked up from rabbits,
And occasionally watching my parents."

To his bride said economist Fife :
"The semen you'll launch as my wife,
        We will salvage and freeze
        To resemble goat's cheese,
And slice for hors d'oeuvres with a knife."

To his bride said the keen-eyed detective,
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
        Has the east tit the least bit
        The best of the west tit,
Or is it the faulty perspective?"