Freebsd Limericks

To his clubfooted child said Lord Stipple,
As he poured his post-prandial tipple,
        "Your mother's behaviour
        Gave pain to Our Saviour,
And that's why He made you a cripple."
                -- Edward Gorey

Two anglers were fishing off Wight
And his bobber was dipping all night.
        Murmured she, with a laugh,
        "It's ready to gaff,
But don't break your rod which is light."

A couple was fishing near Clombe
When the maid began looking quite glum,
        And said, "Bother the fish!
        I'd rather coish!"
Which they did -- which was why they had come.

As two consular clerks in Madras
Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
        "What a marvelous pole,"
        Said she, "but control
Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."

Two eager young men from Cawnpore
Once buggared and fucked the same whore.
        But her partition split
        And the blood and the shit
Rolled out in a mess on the floor.

Two roosters in one of our pens
Found their pricks were no larger than wens.
        As they looked at their foreskins
        And wished they had more skins,
They discovered they'd both become hens.

Under the spreading chestnut tree
The village smith he sat,
        Amusing himself
        By abusing himself
And catching the load in his hat.

Une joile epousetta a Tours
Voulait de gig-gig tous le jours.
        Mais le mari disait, "Non!
        De trop n'est pas bon!
Mon derriere exige du secours!"

Visas erat: huic geminarum
Dispar modus testicularum:
        Minor haec nihili,
        Palma triplici,
Jam fecerat altera clarum.

We dedicate this to the cunt,
The kind the broad-minded guys hunt :
        All hail to the twat,
        Willing, thrilling, and hot,
That wears peckers down, limp and blunt!

When I was a baby, my penis
Was as white as the buttocks of Venus.
        But now 'this as red
        As her nipples instead--
All because of the feminie genus!

When they asked a pert baggage name Alice,
Who'd been bedded and banged in the palace,
        "Was he modest or vain?"
        "Was he regal or plain?"
She replied, "He's a jolly good phallus!"