Freebsd Limericks

A highway patrol buff named Claire,
Once screwed half a troop on a dare,
        And her parts grew so hot,
        There was steam on her twat,
So they nicknamed her Smokey the Bare!

A horny young fellow named Reg,
Was jerking off under a hedge.
        The gardener drew near
        With a huge pruning shear,
And trimmed off the edge of his wedge.

A huge-organed female in Dallas,
Named Alice, who yearned for a phallus,
        Was virgo intacto,
        Because, ipso facto,
No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.

A joker who haunts Monticello
Is really a terrible fellow.
        In the midst of caresses
        He fills ladies dresses
With garter snakes, ice cubes, and jello.

A lacklustre lady of Brougham
Weaveth all night at her loom.
        Anon she doth blench
        When her lord and his wench
Pull a chain in the neighbouring room.

A lad, at his first copulation,
Cried, "What a sensation!  Inflation,
        Gyration, elation
        Throughout the duration,
I guess I'll give up masturbation."

A lad from far-off Transvaal
Was lustful, but tactful withal.
        He'd say, just for luck,
        "Mam'selle, do you fuck?"
But he'd bow till he almost would crawl.

A lad of the brainier kind
Had erogenous zones in his mind.
        He got his sensations,
        By solving equations,
(Of course, in the end, he went blind.)

A lady born under a curse
Used to drive forth each day in a hearse;
        From the back she would wail
        Through a thickness of veil:
"Things do not get better, but worse."
                -- Edward Gorey

A lady both callous and brash
Met a man with a vast black moustache;
        She cried, "Shave it, O do!
        And I'll put it with glue
On my hat as a sort of panache."
                -- Edward Gorey