Freebsd Limericks

A huge-organed female in Dallas,
Named Alice, who yearned for a phallus,
        Was virgo intacto,
        Because, ipso facto,
No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.

A joker who haunts Monticello
Is really a terrible fellow.
        In the midst of caresses
        He fills ladies dresses
With garter snakes, ice cubes, and jello.

A lacklustre lady of Brougham
Weaveth all night at her loom.
        Anon she doth blench
        When her lord and his wench
Pull a chain in the neighbouring room.

A lad, at his first copulation,
Cried, "What a sensation!  Inflation,
        Gyration, elation
        Throughout the duration,
I guess I'll give up masturbation."

A lad from far-off Transvaal
Was lustful, but tactful withal.
        He'd say, just for luck,
        "Mam'selle, do you fuck?"
But he'd bow till he almost would crawl.

A lad of the brainier kind
Had erogenous zones in his mind.
        He got his sensations,
        By solving equations,
(Of course, in the end, he went blind.)

A lady born under a curse
Used to drive forth each day in a hearse;
        From the back she would wail
        Through a thickness of veil:
"Things do not get better, but worse."
                -- Edward Gorey

A lady both callous and brash
Met a man with a vast black moustache;
        She cried, "Shave it, O do!
        And I'll put it with glue
On my hat as a sort of panache."
                -- Edward Gorey

A lady from Kalamazoo
Once found she had nothing to do,
        So she sat on the stairs
        And she counted her hairs:
4,302.

A lady from Old Little Rock
In fidelity took little stock,
        And deserted her man
        In the streets of Japan
For a boy with a prehensile cock.