Freebsd Limericks

A lady born under a curse
Used to drive forth each day in a hearse;
        From the back she would wail
        Through a thickness of veil:
"Things do not get better, but worse."
                -- Edward Gorey

A lady both callous and brash
Met a man with a vast black moustache;
        She cried, "Shave it, O do!
        And I'll put it with glue
On my hat as a sort of panache."
                -- Edward Gorey

A lady from Kalamazoo
Once found she had nothing to do,
        So she sat on the stairs
        And she counted her hairs:
4,302.

A lady from Old Little Rock
In fidelity took little stock,
        And deserted her man
        In the streets of Japan
For a boy with a prehensile cock.

A lady removing her scanties,
Heard them crackle electrical chanties.
        Said her beau, "Have no fear,
        For the reason is clear:
You simply have amps in your panties.

A lady stockholder quite hetera
Decided her fortune to bettera:
        On the floor, quite unclad,
        She successively had
Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, et cetera...

A lady was seized with intent
To revise her existence misspent.
        So she climbed up the dome
        Of St. Peter's in Rome,
Where she stayed through the following Lent.
                -- Edward Gorey

A lady while dining at Crewe
Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
        Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
        And don't wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too."

A lady, while dining in Crewe,
Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
        Said the waiter, "Don't shout
        Or wave it about
Or the others will ask for one, too."

A lady who signs herself "Vexed"
Writes to say she believes she's been hexed:
        "I don't mind my shins
        Being stuck full of pins,
But I fear I am coming unsexed."
                -- Edward Gorey