Freebsd Limericks

A lady removing her scanties,
Heard them crackle electrical chanties.
        Said her beau, "Have no fear,
        For the reason is clear:
You simply have amps in your panties.

A lady stockholder quite hetera
Decided her fortune to bettera:
        On the floor, quite unclad,
        She successively had
Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, et cetera...

A lady was seized with intent
To revise her existence misspent.
        So she climbed up the dome
        Of St. Peter's in Rome,
Where she stayed through the following Lent.
                -- Edward Gorey

A lady while dining at Crewe
Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
        Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
        And don't wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too."

A lady, while dining in Crewe,
Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
        Said the waiter, "Don't shout
        Or wave it about
Or the others will ask for one, too."

A lady who signs herself "Vexed"
Writes to say she believes she's been hexed:
        "I don't mind my shins
        Being stuck full of pins,
But I fear I am coming unsexed."
                -- Edward Gorey

A lady with features cherubic
Was famed for her area pubic.
        When they asked her its size
        She replied in surprise,
"Are you speaking of square feet, or cubic?"

A lass at the foot of her class
Asked a brainier chick how to pass.
        She replied, "With no fuss
        You can get a B-plus,
By letting the prof pat your ass."

A lecherous barkeep named Dale,
After fucking his favorite female,
        Mixed Drambuie and scotch
        With the cream in her crotch
For a lustier, Rusty-er Nail.

A licentious old justice of Salem
Used to catch all the harlots and jail 'em.
        But instead of a fine
        He would stand them in line,
With his common-law tool to impale 'em.