Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday February 8, 2006

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D...
To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D. -- B. Duggan

William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split...
William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. Proofread carefully to see if you words out...

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than...
Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short...

There was a young lady named Bright Who could travel much...
There was a young lady named Bright Who could travel much faster than light. She took off one day, In a relative way, And returned on the previous night.

Watch Rincewind. Look at him. Scrawny, like most wizards,...
Watch Rincewind. Look at him. Scrawny, like most wizards, and clad in a dark red robe on which a few mystic sigils were embroidered in tarnished sequins. Some might have taken him for a mere apprentice enchanter who had run away from his master out...

Hit them biscuits with another touch of gravy, Burn that...
Hit them biscuits with another touch of gravy, Burn that sausage just a match or two more done. Pour my black old coffee longer, While that smell is gettin' stronger A semi-meal ain't nuthin' much to want. Loan me ten, I got a feelin' it'll save...