Linux Definitions

Flugg's Law:
        When you need to knock on wood is when you realize
        that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.

Fog Lamps, n.:
        Excessively (often obnoxiously) bright lamps mounted on the fronts
        of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
        driver's brain is in a fog.  See also "Idiot Lights".

Foolproof Operation:
        No provision for adjustment.

Forecast, n.:
        A prediction of the future, based on the past, for
        which the forecaster demands payment in the present.

Forgetfulness, n.:
        A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for
        their destitution of conscience.

FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:    #1
skilled oral communicator:
        Mumbles inaudibly when attempting to speak.  Talks to self.
        Argues with self.  Loses these arguments.

skilled written communicator:
        Scribbles well.  Memos are invariable illegible, except for
        the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.

growth potential:
        With proper guidance, periodic counselling, and remedial training,
        the reviewee may, given enough time and close supervision, meet
        the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.

key company figure:
        Serves as the perfect counter example.

FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:    #4
consistent:
        Reviewee hasn't gotten anything right yet, and it is anticipated
        that this pattern will continue throughout the coming year.

an excellent sounding board:
        Present reviewee with any number of alternatives, and implement
        them in the order precisely opposite of his/her specification.

a planner and organizer:
        Usually manages to put on socks before shoes.  Can match the
        animal tags on his clothing.

FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:    #9
has management potential:
        Because of his intimate relationship with inanimate objects, the
        reviewee has been appointed to the critical position of department
        pencil monitor.

inspirational:
        A true inspiration to others.  ("There, but for the grace of God,
        go I.")

adapts to stress:
        Passes wind, water, or out depending upon the severity of the
        situation.

goal oriented:
        Continually sets low goals for himself, and usually fails
        to meet them.

Fortune's Rules for Memo Wars: #2

Given the incredible advances in sociocybernetics and telepsychology over
the last few years, we are now able to completely understand everything that
the author of an memo is trying to say.  Thanks to modern developments
in electrocommunications like notes, vnews, and electricity, we have an
incredible level of interunderstanding the likes of which civilization has
never known.  Thus, the possibility of your misinterpreting someone else's
memo is practically nil.  Knowing this, anyone who accuses you of having
done so is a liar, and should be treated accordingly.  If you *do* understand
the memo in question, but have absolutely nothing of substance to say, then
you have an excellent opportunity for a vicious ad hominem attack.  In fact,
the only *inappropriate* times for an ad hominem attack are as follows:

        1: When you agree completely with the author of an memo.
        2: When the author of the original memo is much bigger than you are.
        3: When replying to one of your own memos.

Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
        The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
        instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

Corollary:
        Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except
        study for that instructor's course.