Humor: Best of Fortunes for the year 2005

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling ...
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling by Mark Twain For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x"...

A grammarian's life is always in tense.
A grammarian's life is always in tense.

Lackland's Laws: (1) Never be first. (2) Never...
Lackland's Laws: (1) Never be first. (2) Never be last. (3) Never volunteer for anything

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth, And danced...
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth, And danced the skies on laughter silvered wings; Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of -- Wheeled and soared and swung High...

To A Quick Young Fox: Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy...
To A Quick Young Fox: Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy vamp, Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice? Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp -- Zow! Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice. -- Lazy Dog

William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split...
William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. Proofread carefully to see if you words out...

Someone is speaking well of you. How unusual!
Someone is speaking well of you. How unusual!

This one is for all you military types. For those who don't...
This one is for all you military types. For those who don't know, Rangers are *extremely* well trained members of the U.S. Army. Marines are people who start out as normal soldiers and then are made to believe that bullets don't actually hurt...

7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)...
7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest. 7:30, Channel 8: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit...

A debugged program is one for which you have not yet found...
A debugged program is one for which you have not yet found the conditions that make it fail. -- Jerry Ogdin