Humor: Best of Fortunes for the year 2007

Never have children, only grandchildren. --...
Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal

Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin'...
Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin' is gone. -- John Cougar, "Jack and Diane"

Have a nice day!
Have a nice day!

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of...
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs...
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. -- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926

A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than...
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Enough food for a week. I'm darned if I know how the helican.

Every solution breeds new problems.
Every solution breeds new problems.

Margaret, are you grieving Over Goldengrove unleaving? Leaves,...
Margaret, are you grieving Over Goldengrove unleaving? Leaves, like the things of man, You, with your fresh thoughts Care for, can you? Ah! as the heart grows older It will come to such sights colder By and by, nor spare a sigh Though worlds of wanwood...

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

Come, you spirits That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex...
Come, you spirits That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here, And fill me, from the crown to the toe, top-full Of direst cruelty! make thick my blood, Stop up the access and passage to remorse That no compunctious visiting of nature Shake my fell...