Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the year 2012

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There was a young man from Peru, Who took a long trip...
There was a young man from Peru, Who took a long trip by canoe. While staring at Venus, And rubbing his penis, He wound up with a handful of goo.

To communicate is the beginning of understanding...
To communicate is the beginning of understanding. -- AT&T

Shamus, n. [Yiddish]: A shamus is a guy who takes care...
Shamus, n. [Yiddish]: A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the temple, and makes sure everything is in working order. A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagog functionaries, and there's a joke about...

A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

A wanton young lady from Wimley Reproached for not acting quite...
A wanton young lady from Wimley Reproached for not acting quite primly Said, "Heavens above! I know sex isn't love, But it's such an entrancing facsimile."

From Number Nine, Penwiper Mews, There is really abominable...
From Number Nine, Penwiper Mews, There is really abominable news; They've discovered a head In the box for the bread, But nobody seems to know whose. -- Edward Gorey

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

Leakproof seals --- will.
Leakproof seals --- will.