Freebsd Limericks

To a weepy young woman in Thrums
Her betrothed remarked, "This is what comes
        Of allowing your tears
        To fall into my ears -
I think they have rotted the drums."
                -- Edward Gorey

To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable.
Their fertility was somewhat unstable.
        He constructed a bed
        Out of tree trunks and said,
"Even adders can multiply on a log table."

To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish!
Your cunt is as big as a dish!"
        She replied, "Why, you fool,
        With your limp little tool
It's like driving a nail with a fish!"

To his bride said a numskull named Clarence :
"I trust you will show some forbearance.
        My sexual habits
        I picked up from rabbits,
And occasionally watching my parents."

To his bride said economist Fife :
"The semen you'll launch as my wife,
        We will salvage and freeze
        To resemble goat's cheese,
And slice for hors d'oeuvres with a knife."

To his bride said the keen-eyed detective,
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
        Has the east tit the least bit
        The best of the west tit,
Or is it the faulty perspective?"

To his bride, said the sharp eyed detective,
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
        Is your east tit the least bit
        The best of your west tit,
Or is it a trick of perspective?"

To his clubfooted child said Lord Stipple,
As he poured his post-prandial tipple,
        "Your mother's behaviour
        Gave pain to Our Saviour,
And that's why He made you a cripple."
                -- Edward Gorey

Two anglers were fishing off Wight
And his bobber was dipping all night.
        Murmured she, with a laugh,
        "It's ready to gaff,
But don't break your rod which is light."

A couple was fishing near Clombe
When the maid began looking quite glum,
        And said, "Bother the fish!
        I'd rather coish!"
Which they did -- which was why they had come.

As two consular clerks in Madras
Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
        "What a marvelous pole,"
        Said she, "but control
Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."

Two eager young men from Cawnpore
Once buggared and fucked the same whore.
        But her partition split
        And the blood and the shit
Rolled out in a mess on the floor.