Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday December 7, 2006

Never have children, only grandchildren. --...
Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal

Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to...
Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks'...
"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed...

The doctor had just finished giving the young man...
The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up drinking, give up smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women." "Doc,...

Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

Half the world is composed of people who have something to...
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

Halley's Comet: It came, we saw, we drank.
Halley's Comet: It came, we saw, we drank.

half-done, n: This is the best way to eat a kosher dill...
half-done, n: This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor. The difference between this and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the ...

Laetrile is the pits.
Laetrile is the pits.

My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good...
My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good pulse to me.

A woman without a man is like a fish without...
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. Therefore, a man without a woman is like a bicycle without a fish.