Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of April, 2016

A very intelligent turtle Found programming UNIX a hurdle ...
A very intelligent turtle Found programming UNIX a hurdle The system, you see, Ran as slow as did he, And that's not saying much for the turtle.

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, While wiping his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

Some programming languages manage to absorb change...
Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.

The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of...
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.

I don't wish to appear overly inquisitive, but are you still...
I don't wish to appear overly inquisitive, but are you still alive?

I sent a letter to the fish, I said it very loud...
I sent a letter to the fish, I said it very loud and clear, I told them, "This is what I wish." I went and shouted in his ear. The little fishes of the sea, But he was very stiff and proud, They sent an answer back...

If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly.
If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly.

A plumber whose name was John Brink Plumbed the cook as...
A plumber whose name was John Brink Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink. Her resistance was stout, And John Brink petered out, With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.