Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of February, 2016

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in...
There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. He said "I'll admit I'm a bit of a shit, But look at the money I save."

There was an old lady of Bingly Who wailed, "I do hate...
There was an old lady of Bingly Who wailed, "I do hate to sleep singly. I thought I had got A bloke for my twat, But he seems rather queenly than kingly."

While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on...
While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on a ladder. Her position to Titian Suggested coition, So he leapt up the ladder and had 'er.

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by...
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while...
Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan

A do-it-yourselfer named Alice, Used a dynamite stick for...
A do-it-yourselfer named Alice, Used a dynamite stick for a phallus. She blew her vagina To South Carolina, And her tits landed somewhere in Dallas. A cute friend of hers, Fanny Hill, Used two dynamite sticks for a dil. They...

A mathematician named Hall Had a hexhedronical ball, ...
A mathematician named Hall Had a hexhedronical ball, And the square of its weight Times his pecker's, plus eight, Was four-fifths of five-eighths of fuck-all.