Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of April, 2008

Extract from Official Sweepstakes Rules:...
Extract from Official Sweepstakes Rules: NO PURCHASE REQUIRED TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE To claim your prize without purchase, do the following: (a) Carefully cut out your computer-printed name and address from upper right hand corner of...

A gifted young fellow from Sparta Was widely renowned as...
A gifted young fellow from Sparta Was widely renowned as a farta'. He could fart anything From "Of Thee I Sing," To Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata."

There was an old maid from Cape Cod Who thought all good things...
There was an old maid from Cape Cod Who thought all good things came from god. But it wasn't the almighty Who lifted her nighty, It was Roger, the lodger, by god.

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is...
We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge...

It isn't easy being a Friday kind of person in a Monday kind...
It isn't easy being a Friday kind of person in a Monday kind of world.

Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...

Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus???
Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus???

Everybody gets free BORSCHT!
Everybody gets free BORSCHT!

Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ...
Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ...

MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!