Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of February, 2025

Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2)...
Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.

Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

I'm an artist. But it's not what I really want to do. What...
I'm an artist. But it's not what I really want to do. What I really want to do is be a shoe salesman. I know what you're going to say -- "Dreamer! Get your head out of the clouds." All right! But it's what I want to do. Instead I have to...

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably...
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy

A big-bosomed Bunny named Gression Sold cigars at a key-club...
A big-bosomed Bunny named Gression Sold cigars at a key-club concession. When she swiveled about Even strong men cried out, For her costume did not keep her flesh in.

A broken-down harlot named Tupps Was heard to confess in...
A broken-down harlot named Tupps Was heard to confess in her cups: "The height of my folly Was diddling a collie- But I got a nice price for the pups."

A cautious young fellow named Lodge Had seatbelts installed...
A cautious young fellow named Lodge Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, Without even leaving his grodge.

A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: ...
A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: At a masquerade ball, Dressed in nothing at all, She backed in as a Parker House roll.

A girl of uncertain nativity Had an ass of extreme sensitivity ...
A girl of uncertain nativity Had an ass of extreme sensitivity While she sat on the lap Of a German or Jap, She could sense Fifth Column activity.

From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed...
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed for miles. Said the rector, "My gracious, Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles!?"