Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of February, 2008

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of...
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs...
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. -- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926

Each night Father fills me with dread When he sits on the foot...
Each night Father fills me with dread When he sits on the foot of my bed; I'd not mind that he speaks In gibbers and squeaks, But for the seventeen years he's been dead. -- Edward Gorey

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have...
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. -- Ernest Hemingway

Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin'...
Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin' is gone. -- John Cougar, "Jack and Diane"

A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach...
A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a Commie.

According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics...
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.

Brain, n.: The apparatus with which we think that...
Brain, n.: The apparatus with which we think that we think. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent...
If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have...
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. -- Voltaire