Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2011

Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because it was...
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because it was on the other side.

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.

I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because...
I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk. Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor. She rolled her deep blue eyes towards me. I picked them up and rolled...

I'm not the person your mother warned you about...
I'm not the person your mother warned you about... her imagination isn't that good. -- Amy Gorin

Why I Can't Go Out With You: I'd LOVE to, but... --...
Why I Can't Go Out With You: I'd LOVE to, but... -- I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes. -- I'm attending the opening of my garage door. -- The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots...

There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out...
There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out of brass. When they clanged together, They played "Stormy Weather", And lightning shot out of his ass.

The one who snores will fall asleep first.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.

HOGAN'S HEROES DRINKING GAME -- Take a shot every...
HOGAN'S HEROES DRINKING GAME -- Take a shot every time: -- Sergeant Schultz says, "I knoooooowww nooooothing!" -- General Burkhalter or Major Hochstetter intimidate/insult Colonel Klink. -- Colonel Klink falls for Colonel Hogan's...

You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina. --...
You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina. -- Guindon

Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.