Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Friday January 27, 2017

Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's...
Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There was a young girl from St. Paul Who went to a newspaper...
There was a young girl from St. Paul Who went to a newspaper ball. Her dress caught on fire And burnt her entire Front page and sport section and all.