Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of June, 2017

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl...
There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder. But the girl thought it crude, To be wooed in the nude, So McGru took an oar and subduder.

There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town...
There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town in an Austin, There was room for his ass, And a gallon of gas, So he hung out his balls and he lost 'em.

There was a teenager named Donna Who never said, "No,...
There was a teenager named Donna Who never said, "No, I don't wanna." Two days out of three She would shoot LSD, And on weekends she smoked marijuana.

There was a young lad from Nahant Who was made like...
There was a young lad from Nahant Who was made like the Sensitve Plant. When asked, "Do you fuck?" He replied, "No such luck. I would if I could but I can't."

A Severe Strain on the Credulity As a method of sending...
A Severe Strain on the Credulity As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket is a practicable and therefore promising device. It is when one considers...

AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in...
AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.

A man who keeps stealing mopeds is an obvious cycle-path.
A man who keeps stealing mopeds is an obvious cycle-path.

APHASIA: Loss of speech in social scientists when...
APHASIA: Loss of speech in social scientists when asked at parties, "But of what use is your research?"