Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of April, 2007

Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people...
Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.

Woman was taken out of man -- not out of his head, to rule over...
Woman was taken out of man -- not out of his head, to rule over him; nor out of his feet, to be trampled under by him; but out of his side, to be equal to him -- under his arm, that he might protect her, and near his heart that he might love her...

The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die...
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.

An eye in a blue face Saw an eye in a green face. "That...
An eye in a blue face Saw an eye in a green face. "That eye is like this eye" Said the first eye, "But in low place, Not in high place."

"According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac,...
"According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat...

"Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have...
"Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove."

A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach...
A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a Commie.

A very intelligent turtle Found programming UNIX a hurdle ...
A very intelligent turtle Found programming UNIX a hurdle The system, you see, Ran as slow as did he, And that's not saying much for the turtle.

Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data,...
Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake Corollaries: (1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. (2) The first person who stops by,...

Get GUMMed --- ------ The Gurus of Unix...
Get GUMMed --- ------ The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April 1, 2076 (check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above the ground directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will...