Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2007

A green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds Once swallowed...
A green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds Once swallowed a package of seeds. In a month, his ass Was covered with grass And his balls were grown over with weeds.

A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than...
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Enough food for a week. I'm darned if I know how the helican.

Never have children, only grandchildren. --...
Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal

Have a nice day!
Have a nice day!

"Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters...
"Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to pur'ee of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in...

"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted...
"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."

"To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say,...
"To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to offer in response is based on information available to make no such statement."

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are...
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow

Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!

Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to...
Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.