Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of April, 2018

"I can't decide whether to commit suicide or...
"I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling." -- Florence Henderson

"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." ...
"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." -- Isaac Asimov

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Get GUMMed --- ------ The Gurus of Unix...
Get GUMMed --- ------ The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April 1, 2076 (check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above the ground directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will...

God rest ye CS students now, Let nothing you dismay. The VAX...
God rest ye CS students now, Let nothing you dismay. The VAX is down and won't be up, Until the first of May. The program that was due this morn, Won't be postponed, they say. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy, Oh,...

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science...
Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III

It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history...
Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history of the Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866. The white smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before it dawned on the assembled multitudes...

You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare...
You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...