Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2024

A green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds Once swallowed...
A green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds Once swallowed a package of seeds. In a month, his ass Was covered with grass And his balls were grown over with weeds.

There once was a reverend at Kings Whose mind 'twas on heavenly...
There once was a reverend at Kings Whose mind 'twas on heavenly things. But his heart was on fire For a boy in the choir Whose buns were like jelly on springs.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose...
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.
Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.

Technological progress has merely provided us with more...
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. -- Aldous Huxley

*** NEWS FLASH *** Archaeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain...
*** NEWS FLASH *** Archaeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain cavity of fossilized dinosaur skeleton! Many Digital users fear that RSX-11M may be even more primitive than DEC admits. Price adjustments at 11:00.

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to...
The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventive...

Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.

He who is known as an early riser need not get up until noon.
He who is known as an early riser need not get up until noon.