Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of November, 2018

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on...
While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on a ladder. Her position to Titian Suggested coition, So he leapt up the ladder and had 'er.

While travelling in farthest Tibet, Lord Irongate found cause...
While travelling in farthest Tibet, Lord Irongate found cause to regret The buttered-up tea, A pain in his knee, And the frivolous tourists he met. -- Edward Gorey

Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large...
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning...
Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. -- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"

Dear Miss Manners: Please list some tactful ways...
Dear Miss Manners: Please list some tactful ways of removing a man's saliva from your face. Gentle Reader: Please list some decent ways of acquiring a man's saliva on your face ...

Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!

The Seventh Commandments for Technicians Work thou...
The Seventh Commandments for Technicians Work thou not on energized equipment, for if thou dost, thy fellow workers will surely buy beers for thy widow and console her in other ways.

A rope lying over the top of a fence is the same length on each...
A rope lying over the top of a fence is the same length on each side. It weighs one third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs a monkey holding a banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey. The banana weighs two ounces...