Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of December, 2014

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to...
There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to her kidney. But the man from Quebec Put it up to her neck; He had a big one, now didn't he?

There once was a reverend at Kings Whose mind 'twas on heavenly...
There once was a reverend at Kings Whose mind 'twas on heavenly things. But his heart was on fire For a boy in the choir Whose buns were like jelly on springs.

Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts...
Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time. -- George Carlin

"Verily and forsooth," replied Goodgulf darkly...
"Verily and forsooth," replied Goodgulf darkly. "In the past year strange and fearful wonders I have seen. Fields sown with barley reap crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their artichoke hearts. There has been a hot...

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.
The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.

When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of...
When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas

Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.

Hitchcock's Staple Principle: The stapler runs out...
Hitchcock's Staple Principle: The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something.