Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday December 31, 2007

"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted...
"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are...
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow

Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close...
You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to metal objects which are not fastened down.

You should not use your fireplace, because scientists...
You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that, contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from houses. Really, that's what scientists believe. In fact many scientists actually use their fireplaces to cool...

A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally...
A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally. -- Lillian Day

Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.

Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.

Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.

Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.

Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name...
Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.

Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd...
Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days?