Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday January 30, 2014

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There was a young man from Calcutta Who was heard in his beard...
There was a young man from Calcutta Who was heard in his beard to mutter, "If her Bartholin glands Don't respond to my hands, I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."

IBM Advanced Systems Group -- a bunch of mindless jerks, who'll...
IBM Advanced Systems Group -- a bunch of mindless jerks, who'll be first against the wall when the revolution comes... -- with regrets to D. Adams

Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time,...
Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.

I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down...
I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch "St. Elsewhere", won't scream, "Forget it, Blanche... It's time for Hee-Haw!" -- Berke Breathed, "Bloom County"