Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of July, 2014

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There was a young man from Seattle Whose testicles tended...
There was a young man from Seattle Whose testicles tended to rattle. He said as he fuck-ed Some stones in a bucket, "If Stravinsky won't deafen you -- that'll."

And so, men, we can see that human skin is an even more complex...
And so, men, we can see that human skin is an even more complex and fascinating organ than we thought it was, and if we want to keep it looking good, we have to care for it as though it were our own. One approach is to undergo a painful surgical...

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning...
Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. -- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"

Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have...
Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.

A cannibal warrior is experiencing severe gastric distress,...
A cannibal warrior is experiencing severe gastric distress, so he goes to his Village Witch Doctor with his complaint. The VWD examines him and, concluding that something he ate disagreed with him, began to cross examine him about his recent diet...

A woman without a man is like a fish without...
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. Therefore, a man without a woman is like a bicycle without a fish.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If God won't have you, the devil...
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If God won't have you, the devil must.

If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? ...
If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman