Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of May, 2014

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything...
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter

A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.

Are Women Human? In the year 584, in Lyon, France, 43 Catholic...
Are Women Human? In the year 584, in Lyon, France, 43 Catholic bishops and 20 men representing other bishops, after a lengthy debate, took a vote. The results were 32 yes, 31 no. Women were declared human by one vote.

Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess...
Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at. -- Josh Billings

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.

A cautious young fellow named Lodge Had seatbelts installed...
A cautious young fellow named Lodge Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, Without even leaving his grodge.

Back in the days of old Adam The grass served as mattress...
Back in the days of old Adam The grass served as mattress for madam, And they spent the whole day On the sex that today They would bounce on box springs, if they had 'em.