Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday December 25, 2015

A cabin boy on an old clipper Grew steadily flipper...
A cabin boy on an old clipper Grew steadily flipper and flipper. He plugged up his ass With fragments of glass And thus circumcised his old skipper.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There was a young girl of Batonger who diddled herself with...
There was a young girl of Batonger who diddled herself with a conger, When asked how it feels To be pleasured by eels She said, "Just like a man, only longer.

"Daddy, Daddy, make Santa Claus go away!" ...
"Daddy, Daddy, make Santa Claus go away!" "I can't, son; he's grown too powerful." "HO HO HO!" -- Duck's Breath...

You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start...
You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail. Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them. They last...