Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday March 1, 2015

"We've decided to have the budgie put down." ...
"We've decided to have the budgie put down." "Oh, is he very old then?" "No, we just don't like him." "Oh. How do they put budgies down anyway?" "Well, it's funny you should...

A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair...
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair with a Saracen. She was not oversexed, Or jealous or vexed, She just wanted to make a comparison.

There was a young lady from Brussels Who was proud of...
There was a young lady from Brussels Who was proud of her vaginal muscles. She could easily plex them And so interflex them As to whistle love songs through her bustles.

There was a young lady from Spain Who demurely undressed on...
There was a young lady from Spain Who demurely undressed on a train. A helpful young porter Helped more than he orter, And she promptly cried "Help me again"

There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different sizes. His tool when at ease, Hung down to his knees, Oh, what must it be when it rises!

He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless...
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.

How you look depends on where you go.
How you look depends on where you go.

I doubt, therefore I might be.
I doubt, therefore I might be.

Oh give me your pity! I'm on a committee, ...
Oh give me your pity! I'm on a committee, We attend and amend Which means that from morning And contend and defend to night, Without a conclusion in sight. We confer and concur, We defer...