Freebsd Fortunes 4

jake hates
          all the girls(the
shy ones, the bold              paul scorns all
ones; the meek                                 the girls(the
proud sloppy sleek)             bright ones, the dim
all except the cold             ones; the slim
                   ones         plump tiny tall)
                                all except the
                                              dull ones
gus loves all the
                 girls(the
warped ones, the lamed          mike likes all the girls
ones; the mad                                           (the
moronic maimed)                 fat ones, the lean
all except                      ones; the mean
          the dead ones         kind dirty clean)
                                all
                                   except the green ones
                -- e e cummings

James McNeill Whistler's (painter of "Whistler's Mother") failure in his
West Point chemistry examination once provoked him to remark in later life,
"If silicon had been a gas, I should have been a major general."

Jane and I got mixed up with a television show -- or as we call it back
east here: TV -- a clever contraction derived from the words Terrible
Vaudeville. However, it is our latest medium -- we call it a medium
because nothing's well done. It was discovered, I suppose you've heard,
by a man named Fulton Berle, and it has already revolutionized social
grace by cutting down parlour conversation to two sentences: "What's on
television?" and "Good night".
                -- Goodman Ace, letter to Groucho Marx, in The Groucho
                   Letters, 1967

Japan, n:
        A fictional place where elves, gnomes and economic imperialists
        create electronic equipment and computers using black magic.  It
        is said that in the capital city of Akihabara, the streets are
        paved with gold and semiconductor chips grow on low bushes from
        which they are harvested by the happy natives.

Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.

Jenkinson's Law:
        It won't work.

Jim, it's Grace at the bank.  I checked your Christmas Club account.
You don't have five-hundred dollars.  You have fifty.  Sorry, computer foul-up!

Jim, it's Jack.  I'm at the airport.  I'm going to Tokyo and wanna pay
you the five-hundred I owe you.  Catch you next year when I get back!

Jim Nasium's Law:
        In a large locker room with hundreds of lockers, the few people
        using the facility at any one time will all have lockers next to
        each other so that everybody is cramped.

Jim, this is Janelle.  I'm flying tonight, so I can't make our date, and
I gotta find a safe place for Daffy.  He loves you, Jim!  It's only two
days, and you'll see.  Great Danes are no problem!