Freebsd Fortunes 4

job Placement, n:
        Telling your boss what he can do with your job.

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.
                -- Snoopy

Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside.
Her voice was little more than a whisper.
        "Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make
before I go.  I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe...
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles.  And it was I who
forced your mistress to leave the city.  And I am the one who reported
your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..."
        "That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought,"
whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."

Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!

jogger, n:
        An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.

John                    Dame May                Oscar
Was Gay                 Was Whitty              Was Wilde
But Gerard Hopkins      But John Greenleaf      But Thornton
Was Manley              Was Whittier            Was Wilder
                -- Willard Espy

John Birch Society:
        That pathetic manifestation of organized apoplexy.
                -- Edward P. Morgan

JOHN PAUL ELECTED POPE!!

(George and Ringo miffed.)

John the Baptist after poisoning a thief,
Looks up at his hero, the Commander-in-Chief,
Saying tell me great leader, but please make it brief
Is there a hole for me to get sick in?
The Commander-in-Chief answers him while chasing a fly,
Saying death to all those who would whimper and cry.
And dropping a barbell he points to the sky,
Saying the sun is not yellow, it's chicken.
                -- Bob Dylan, "Tombstone Blues"

Johnny Carson's Definition:
        The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
        in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
        taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.