Freebsd Fortunes 4

I finally went to the eye doctor.  I got contacts.
I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups.
                -- Steven Wright

I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.
                -- Judge Roy Bean, finding a pistol and $40 on a man he'd
                   just shot.

I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
                -- Augustus Caesar

I gave my love an Apple, that had no core;
I gave my love a building, that had no floor;
I wrote my love a program, that had no end;
I gave my love an upgrade, with no cryin'.

How can there be an Apple, that has no core?
How can there be a building, that has no floor?
How can there be a program, that has no end?
How can there be an upgrade, with no cryin'?

An Apple's MOS memory don't use no core!
A building that's perfect, it has no flaw!
A program with GOTOs, it has no end!
I lied about the upgrade, with no cryin'!

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
                -- Mae West

I get my exercise acting as pallbearer to my friends who exercise.
                -- Chauncey Depew

I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went.
But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
And think of the places my get-up has been.
                -- Pete Seeger

I give you the man who -- the man who -- uh, I forgets the man who?
                -- Beauregard Bugleboy

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
                -- H.L. Mencken

I go the way that Providence dictates.
                -- Adolf Hitler