Freebsd Fortunes 4

Living in the complex world of the future is somewhat
like having bees live in your head.  But, there they are.

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it
includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

LIVING YOUR LIFE:
        A task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.

Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And plunged it deep into the VAX;
Don't you envy people who
Do all the things YOU want to do?

Lo!  Men have become the tool of their tools.
                -- Henry David Thoreau

Lobster:
        Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only
proper method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked.
The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea
floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs.  Grasp the lobster
behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say,
"Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a
scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural
apparatus you call a memory!"  The lobster will squirm noticeably.  It may
even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.  Incorrigible.  Pop it into
the pot.  Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will
be, too.
                -- Dave Barry

Lobster:
  Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish
  about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper
  method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
  guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're
  cooked.  The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on
  the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs.  Grasp the
  lobster behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty
  eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then
  flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will
  refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a memory!"  The lobster will
  squirm noticeably.  It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.
  Incorrigible.  Pop it into the pot.  Justice has been served, and shortly
  you and your friends will be, too.
                -- Cooking: The Art of Turning Appliances and Utensils
                   into Excuses and Apologies

Lockwood's Long Shot:
        The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street
        aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.

Logic doesn't apply to the real world.
                -- Marvin Minsky

Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.