Freebsd Fortunes 4

I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.
                -- Stephen Wright

I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of
tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for:  If
they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go
crude.  I'm a very technical boy.  So I decided to get as crude as possible.
These days, though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even
aspire to crudeness.
                -- William Gibson, "Johnny Mnemonic"

I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.
                -- Neil Armstrong

I quite agree with you, said the Duchess; and the moral of that is -- 'Be
what you would seem to be' -- or, if you'd like it put more simply -- 'Never
imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others
that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had
been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.'

I read a column by George Will that Scarface should be rated X because
parents were taking their children to see it.  So what?  Why should the
motion-picture industry be responsible for our morality?
        Dad says to Mom, "Honey, Scarface is in town."
        "What's it about?"
        "Human scum who kill each other over cocaine deals."
        "Sounds great!  Let's take the kids!"
                -- Ian Shoales

I read Playboy for the same reason I read National Geographic.
To see the sights I'm never going to visit.

I read the newspaper avidly.  It is my one form of continuous fiction.
                -- Aneurin Bevan

I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet
trucks.  But to be brutally frank, women as a group have a long way to
go before they reach the level of intensity and dedication to sports
that enables men to be such incredible jerks about it.
                -- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"

I really had to act; 'cause I didn't have any lines.
                -- Marilyn Chambers

I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.