Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday September 23, 2016

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young man from Bombay Who fashioned a cunt out...
There was a young man from Bombay Who fashioned a cunt out of clay But the heat of his prick Turned it into a brick And rubbed all his foreskin away.

There was a young man from St. Paul's Who read "Harper's...
There was a young man from St. Paul's Who read "Harper's Bazaar" and "McCall's" Till he grew such a passion For feminine fashion That he knitted a snood for his balls.

There was an old gent from Kentuck Who boasted a filigreed...
There was an old gent from Kentuck Who boasted a filigreed schmuck, But he put it away For fear that one day He might put it in and get stuck.

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.: The act,...
Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance...