Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of May, 2016

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, While wiping his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, I come before you to stand behind you To tell you of something I know nothing about. Next Thursday (which is good Friday), There will be a convention held in the Women's...

"Microwave oven? Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven? ...
"Microwave oven? Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven? I've been watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks."

Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.

JACK AND THE BEANSTACK by Mark...
JACK AND THE BEANSTACK by Mark Isaak Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL character named Jack. Jack and his relations were poor. Often their hash table was bare. One day Jack's parent said...

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

Beggar to well-dressed businessman: "Could...
Beggar to well-dressed businessman: "Could you spare $20.95 for a fifth of Chivas?"

How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru...
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey, Brian Boyle