Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday January 21, 2019

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

You've heard of the bishop of Birmingham, Well, here's the...
You've heard of the bishop of Birmingham, Well, here's the new story concerning 'im : He buggers the choir As they sing "Ave Maria," And fucks all the girls whilst confirming 'em.

Oh, that sound of male ego. You travel halfway across...
Oh, that sound of male ego. You travel halfway across the galaxy and it's still the same song. -- Eve McHuron, "Mudd's Women", stardate 1330.1

if (argc > 1 && strcmp(argv[1], "-advice")...
if (argc > 1 && strcmp(argv[1], "-advice") == 0) { printf("Don't Panic!\n"); exit(42); } (Arnold Robbins in the LJ of February '95, describing RCS)

After all my erstwhile dear, My no longer cherished, Need...
After all my erstwhile dear, My no longer cherished, Need we say it was not love, Just because it perished? -- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Well, we're big rock singers, we've got golden fingers,...
Well, we're big rock singers, we've got golden fingers, And we're loved everywhere we go. We sing about beauty, and we sing about truth, At ten thousand dollars a show. We take all kind of pills to give us all kind of thrills, But the thrill we've never...